| Wouldn't this make life better (Joke) |
[Apr. 20th, 2008|09:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
Written by an editor at Maxim Magazine - Jon Wilde
I, [print your name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Lady”), being of sound mind, have entered into a relationship with [print guy’s name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Man”). By signing below, I hereby agree to abide by all the rules as set out within this contract in perpetuity.
Clause 1: Dates
A. The Lady will eat more than a side salad.
B. The Man will not be expected to plan every date. He will be chivalrous, but he will not be the cruise director of the relationship.
C. If The Lady would like to attend an event that she knows The Man will despise, she is advised to do so with other people (See Clause 5: Extra-Curricular Activities). However, should she deem a night at the ballet, opera, or foreign movie house to be a necessity within the scope of the relationship, she should make plans (transportation, tickets, etc.) for this evening herself.
1. By accepting this Lady-partisan date, The Man will be guaranteed one (1) date on which both parties participate in an activity of his choice—including, but not limited to: Attending an athletic event, watching a martial-arts movie, or going out for a large BBQ dinner.
Clause 2: Dialogue
A. The Lady will never discuss an ex-boyfriend.
1. Rule 2-A above may be broken if The Lady mentions a deep and abiding flaw in the ex-boyfriend, while also discussing ways in which The Man betters said ex.
B. If The Lady wants something or wants to know something, she will ask. There will be no hints or guessing games.
C. Any cute nicknames that The Lady has devised for The Man will never be spoken in public. See Clause 6, Section a, Subsection 3 for explanation.
1. Furthermore, The Lady may not devise any nickname that includes a diminutive or that is spoken in baby-voice (e.g., “Little John” or “Snuggle Bear”).
Clause 3: The Bedroom
A. During moments of physicality, The Lady will voice her wishes so that The Man knows how best to make her enjoy the experience. This is expected not only for her sake, but for his. The Man is a prideful being. He wants to know he can do everything right.
B. The Man reserves the right to his favorite side of the bed at all times, no exceptions. He may permit The Lady to rest on his chosen side if he wishes, but should he find himself tossing and turning at 3 a.m., it is his right to reclaim said side with no ill will from The Lady.
Clause 4: Family
A. The Lady will not ask The Man to meet her family until at least one month of dating has been completed.
B. Upon meeting The Man’s mother, The Lady will try to learn as many of Mother Man’s recipes as possible. And yes, The Man likes his chicken that dry.
Clause 5: Extracurricular Activities
A. The Man will be guaranteed at least one Guys’ Night per week, chosen at his discretion. He will also retain at least two extra “floating” Guys’ Nights per month in case of an important sporting event or should an impromptu post-work visit to the bar arise.
B. The Lady can never be angry with a man for attending Guys’ Night.
C. The Lady will not call The Man more than once per Guys’ Night.
D. The Lady is encouraged to go out with her own friends as a means for keeping her independence and sense of self. However, there are ground rules for these engagements:
1. She will not ask The Man to attend any event on the day of a televised athletic match, any event that involves the phrase “pot luck,” or any event that celebrates the birth of a child, impending or otherwise.
2. She will not expect The Man to attend a gathering solely because the boyfriend/husband of The Lady’s Friend will also be in attendance. Misery does not make good company.
3. No. Ex-Boyfriends. Ever.
Clause 6: Love
A. Should the two parties remain together long enough to reach Relationship Level: Serious, The Man understands that he will, at some point, be called upon to vocally express his appreciation of The Lady in the strongest method possible. When the time comes, the following rules shall govern the use of Those Three Words Which Shall Not Yet Be Spoken.
1. The Lady will be the first party to speak the phrase. She will do so clearly and while making eye contact so that The Man knows it is he who is being spoken to. The Lady will allow the man at least five (5) minutes to respond in kind. This reprieve does not mean he doesn’t feel the same way, only that he is apt to be flustered, frightened, and suddenly stricken with cotton-mouth.
2. After the first time the Man arranges the words “I,” “you,” and “love” into a sentence, he will not be required to do so in response every time The Lady speaks the phrase. The Lady will also accept “Me, too,” “Ditto,” or a high-five in return.
3. The Lady will never speak the three-worded phrase when The Man is in the presence of either friends or co-workers. This is done out of respect for the mockery that is sure to result should he be forced to reciprocate while with said company.
By signing below, you agree to all rules as laid out in this contract, effectively guaranteeing that you will make The Man a truly happy person for the rest of his life, or until you realize that he is a loser who requires his girlfriends to sign legally binding documents. |
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| New job |
[Aug. 29th, 2006|09:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Club condo | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Covenant - Spindrift | ] |
Well it has finally came and not without a lot of hopes, prayers and some help from referrals.
( It started with a phone call ) |
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| Racism |
[Aug. 21st, 2006|01:41 pm] |
WHAT IS RACISM
You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.
You call me "Whiteboy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" and
that's OK.
But when I call you, nigger, Kike, Towelhead, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey,
Beaner, Gook, or Chink you call me a racist.
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the
ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
You have the United Negro College Fund.
You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi
You have the NAACP.
You have BET.
If we had WET(White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists.
If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.
If we had white history month, we'd be racists.
If we had an organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd
be racists.
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you
know we'd be racists.
There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if
there were "White colleges" that would be a racist college.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your
race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call
us racists.
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not
afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us
racists.
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police
officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer
running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a
racist.
I am proud.
But, you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists!? |
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| Hello from Amsterdam |
[Dec. 25th, 2005|02:37 pm] |
Hey everyone!
Sitting in Ambraxa's Coffeeshop after drinking a Mango Space Shake and a Hash Brownie. We bought some Hawawian Haze and a Pre-Rolled "Ice" hash joint. Smoked it and a super skunk pre-rolled marijuana joint purchased two nights ago at La Canna coffeeshop. So yeah I'm smoking lots, drinking lots, and eating lots of great food. Take care for now time is up |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2005|02:40 pm] |
Will we still be the Country of choice and still be Canada if we continue to make the changes forced on us by the people from other countries that came to live in Canada because it is the Country of Choice??????
Think about it!
All we have to say is when will they do something about MY RIGHTS?
I celebrate Christmas but because it isn't celebrated by everyone we can no longer say Merry Christmas. Now it has to be Season's Greetings.
It's not Christmas vacation, it's Winter Break. Isn't it amazing how this winter break ALWAYS occurs over the Christmas holiday?
We've gone so far the other way, bent over backwards to not offend anyone, that I am now being offended. But it seems that no one has a problem with that. This says it all!
This is an editorial written in a Toronto newspaper. He did quite a job; didn't he? Read on, please!
IMMIGRANTS, NOT Canadians MUST ADAPT.
I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge
in patriotism by the majority of Canadians. However...... the dust from the attacks had
barely settled when the "politically correct!" crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.
I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Canada. Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand.
This idea of Canada being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Canadians we have our own culture, our
own society, our own language and our own lifestyle. This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.
We speak ENGLISH/FRENCH, not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!
"We Stand On Guard For Thee" is our national motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan we adopted this motto because Christian men and women on Christian principles founded this nation and this is clearly documented.
It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home because God is part of our culture.
We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really
don't care how you did things where you came from.
This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about our flag, our pledge our national motto or our way of life I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other Great Canadian Freedoms.
THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.
It is Time for Canada to Speak up If you agree -- pass this along; if you don't agree -- delete it! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|08:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | full of sushi | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jess talking to me as i wrote this | ] |
1.Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Have we ever had sex?
33. Do you miss me?
34. Do you think I miss you?
33. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|04:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sore | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Amon Amarth - Thor Arise | ] |
Instructions: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the
genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be
songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your Livejournal
along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're
listening to.
Amon Amarth - Thousand Years of Opression
Godsmack - Sick of Life
Breaking Benjamin - So Cold
Gza - Knock, Knock
Metallica - Fuel
Blackstreet - No Diggity
Broken Social Scene - Alive in 85
Inected Mushroom - Cities of the future
Anyone on my friends list who hasn't done this has now been tagged. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|03:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indifferent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Amon Amarth - The Last with Pagan Blood | ] |
The following is the OFFICIAL RULES OF ENGAGEMENT for Tim Horton's. Please feel free to pass them along so that we can make the world a better place.
1) When you enter a Tim Hortons and see a line to one side of the restaurant that DOES NOT mean that you can start another line on the other side.
2) If you cannot see the donut you want available in the display you CANNOT ask for it since the server will then go into the back and eventually return and tell you that - guess what - they don't have it!
3) The Drive-Thru is for ordering coffee and donuts ONLY. If you need to order a sandwich or soup get out of your car and go inside you lazy slob! It takes too long and they'll probably get your order wrong any ways so save some greenhouse emissions and remember - NO ORDERING FOOD IN THE DRIVE-THRU!
4) Cleaning of the Hot Chocolate and Flavoured Coffee machines is FORBIDDEN during times where there are actually customers in the store. What kind of business takes a product off-line in the middle of the day?!
5) Placing the lids on the "to-go" cups so that the drink opening lines up with the crease in the cup is a crime against humanity since it has the same effect as gag dribble-cups. Plus, exactly how hard is it to miss that crease when placing the lid on any ways? Yet it seems to happen more than 50% of the time.
6) Franchise owners who open up a store with a Drive-Thru that can't handle at least ten cars in line are a traffic menace. Caffeine addiction is a scary thing that will cause people to stop dead on busy streets just to keep a position in line at the Drive-Thru.
7) Going on a coffee run to Tim's for five or more people is a non-starter. Firstly, you'll never remember what everyone ordered correctly. Secondly, you don't have a hope in hell of carrying that stuff back out to your car. Lastly, it will take too long!!! That nice person behind you in line was under the impression that you were just going to order your coffee and go. BUT NO, you have to take 5-10 minutes of our lives while your botch the order then juggle the cups back to your vehicle. Get some backbone - force others to come with you. No more than two orders per person thank you!
8) During Roll-Up-The-Rim-To-Win time all cups left unattended and unrolled for more than one minute are free game to anyone else. Since we know that all the really good prizes are only meant for people in Ontario we've only got a limited shot at anything decent so watch your cups!
9) Staff who fail to recognize that you are a creature of habit and order the same thing everyday for over a year at the same Tim Horton's and still meet you with blank stares and an indifferent "What can I get you?" are inflicting an inhuman mental torture. Isn't that what the commercials are all about? Where are the smiles and a hearty "The usual, Bob?"
10) Showing up at you son/daughters hockey game with a coffee from another outlet than Tim Horton's is VERBOTEN! What are you - some kind of troublemaker? Don't you know the way we do things around here?
11) Tim's must openly disclose the drug (crack/.cocaine) they out in the coffee that makes us line up for the stuff,,, can't be for the customer service !!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 18th, 2005|11:00 am] |
NEW RULE: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com ! There's
a reason we don't talk to people for 25 years -- it's because we don't
particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of
the football team is doing these days: Mowing My Lawn!
NEW RULE: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was
found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. HELLO! ... It costs less than a
dollar! What did you expect it to contain? -- Trout? Luckily it was
only a finger! If it were a whole hand, you can be sure Congress would have voted to keep it alive!
NEW RULE: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids -- "Lucky Bastards"!
NEW RULE: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care
about your eyebrows: "Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done!
NEW RULE: There's no such thing as flavored water! There is a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket ... water without that watery
taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want
flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. There's your flavored water!
NEW RULE: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the
asshole! If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande
half-soy, half low fat, iced vanilla, double shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n-Low and one NutraSweet" .... Ohhhhhhhh, you're a huge asshole!
NEW RULE: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't
make you spiritual. Turn around and look at it in a mirror, it's right
above the crack of your ass! And it translates to "beef with broccoli." Last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual, you're just high!"
NEW RULE: Competitive eating is NOT a sport. It's one of the Seven
Deadly Sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive
Eating, because watching those "athletes" at the poker table was just
too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait ..
they're already doing that. It's called the Howard Stern Show!
NEW RULE: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone at the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's not forget that the reason something was a television show in the first place is because it wasn't good enough to be a movie.
NEW RULE: NO MORE GIFT REGISTRIES! ... You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people pay for it is not gift-giving, it's the white people version of looting!
NEW RULE: (and this one is long overdue)! ... No More Bathroom Attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or if he's just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam dude, I just want to wash my hands.
NEW RULE: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know it
in months. " Oh, he's 27 Months old tomorrow." "He's two,'' will do
just fine. He's not a cheese. And I really didn't care in the first place, I was just being polite. |
|
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| Solution to the problem |
[Nov. 17th, 2005|10:03 am] |
|
President Bush has authorized the Joint Chiefs to begin drawing up a battle plan to pull France's ass out of the fire again. Facing an apparent overwhelming force of up to 400 pissed off teenagers Mr. Bush doubts France's ability to hold off the little pissants. "Hell, if the last two world wars are any indication, I would expect France to surrender any day now", said Bush. Joint Chiefs head, Gen. Peter Pace, warned the President that it might be necessary to send up to 5 marines to get things under control. The general admitted that 5 marines may be overkill but he wanted to get this thing under control within 24 hours of arriving on scene. He stated he was having a hard time finding even one marine to help those ungrateful bastards out for a third time but thought that he could persuade a few women marines to do the job before they went on pregnancy leave. President Bush asked Gen. Pace to get our marines out of there as soon as possible after order was restored. He also reminded Gen. Pace to make sure the marines did not take soap, razors, or deodorant with them. The least they stand out the better. |
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| Mens' Rules |
[Nov. 16th, 2005|05:28 pm] |
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
hopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's
Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2005|01:11 pm] |
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots,
each hung on the ends of a pole
which she carried across her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot
was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily,
with the woman bringing home only one
and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do
half of what it had been made to do.
After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure,
it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."
The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that
there are flowers on your side of the path,
but not on the other pot's side?"
"That's because I have always known about your flaw,
so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path,
and every day while we walk back, you water them."
"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being
just the way you are, there would not be
this beauty to grace the house."
Each of us has our own unique flaw.
But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make
our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are
and look for the good in them.
So, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day
and remember to smell the flowers
on your side of the path. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|11:29 am] |
| Butterfinger | 
They call you sticky fingers for a reason! |
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|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2005|10:50 am] |
A very self-important college freshman at a recent USC football
game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen
sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older
generation to understand his own.
"You grew up in a different, actually almost primitive, world,"
the
student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "We young
people today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel,
man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars... We
even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers
with light-speed processing .... and uh.."
Taking advantage of a pause for breath in the student's litany,
the "wizened" one said, "You're right, Son. We didn't have those
things when we were young...so we invented them... you arrogant
little retard !! Now.... what are YOU going to do for the next
generation??" |
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|
| Not for weak stomachs |
[Nov. 3rd, 2005|05:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thankful | ] |
Death took another life yesterday.
The time was 3:00 and I was travelling north on Thickson road from school on my way home to drop off my school bag and go for an afternoon ride before hitting the gym. Approaching the intersection of Burns and Thickson, changed into the left lane about 20-30 feet before the white line. Approaching the white line a red HONDA civc (I hate honda drivers) decides to make a left hand turn, in front of me. Travelling at approx 70km/hr I slammed on the breaks and clutch in vain as I knew the ultimate outcome. Either swerve left into oncoming traffic or plow this dude square on. The latter occurred and I was superman for about 2 seconds, only to hit asphalt and slide across the blacktop. Getting to my feet immediately and rushing to the side of the road to collect my shoes and sit down after feeling weak on both legs and a crunching feeling in my right forearm and wrist when attempting to move it. Everything seemed surreal and rushed from that point until in the ambulance and hooked to an IV and given a shot of phentenol (no sure on spelling) and on my way to Ajax hospital (thank you to the paramedics who listened to my wishes). The hospital visit was spent laying in a bed being wheeled around for X-Rays and the such, with a demerol drip, so not too much was remembered. Got a shot of some really painful injection to put me out so the compound fracture could be re-set and arm casted. I can still feel the bone crunching inside even with the cast. Getting a leg brace to keep my right leg immobile and not being able to put weight on my left heel, made it interesting to learn how to hobble on my new legs that escaped much other than scratches and the problem with my right leg not bending without a lot of pain.
Today I go to the fracture clinic at Ajax hospital to be told surgery is the only option. Nothing broken in either leg, just soft tissue damage and no torn ligaments that can be determined as of yet.
Went to Duffs towing to see my written off 2005 GSX-R600 20th anniversary edition bike (formally known as "Faith")
So it's Faith who has died and will be greatly missed.
On a lighter note, I've won an award for my 95% average and will be receiving a 1000.00 bursary; the award ceremony that I missed today due to present injuries.
All in all I'm glad to be alive. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2005|03:25 pm] |
A North Carolina redneck passed
away and left his entire estate in
trust for his beloved widow.
However, she can't touch it
until she turns 16.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Folks in Georgia now go to
some movies in groups of
18 or more. They were
told 17 and under are not
admitted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The minimum drinking age in
Georgia has been raised to
32. It seems they want to keep
alcohol out of the high schools.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Mississippi, reruns of "Hee Haw"
are called documentaries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can you tell if a West Virginia
redneck is married? There's dried
tobacco spit on both sides of his
pickup truck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Georgia has a new $3,000,000
State Lottery. The winner gets $3 a
year for a million years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recently, the Governor's Mansion
in Little Rock burned down. In fact,
it took out the whole trailer park.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The best thing to ever come out
of Alabama is Highway 72.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Tennessee State Trooper stopped a
pickup truck. He asked the driver,
"Got any ID?" The driver said,
"Bout what?" |
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